WonderWinns: established 2001

The years just fly by, don't they? In 1997, I was 19 and working at the Irvine Spectrum at a coffee house and had just started dating This Guy (who had been my BFF for a couple of years already) and then one of my coffee-caffeinated co-workers (Chris) jumped ship to another store at the Spectrum* that was a photo studio. I can't remember the name of it and am having a devil of a time finding any similar stores online, but basically it used a few props and costumes and a giant blue screen and they would superimpose you into several movies or classic scenes or wacky backdrops. IT'S MINDBOGGLING THAT THIS BUSINESS DID NOT LAST FOREVER. Anyway, business was pretty slow, so they'd basically try and convince anyone they could to come inside and try it out for free (then if you like the pictures, you can buy them) and that was fine until teenagers started catching on and they'd spend hours in the make-up room, trying on wigs and mixing the costumes and then wanting 10 different backgrounds and never buying anything. SO. Chris came over and asked me to pleasepleaseplease help him out after I got off work. If I could just puh-please come and pose for a couple of pictures, he would be really thankful (because I wouldn't just be jerking his chain) and plus, he'd let me have whatever prints I wanted for free.

I agreed, reluctantly. I'd worked the opening shift, which is 5:30am-2:30pm so I was pretty beat. Plus, it was August and swelteringly hot. But a deal's a deal. Then Ryan showed up unexpectedly to pick me up from work and then I had the unpleasant task of getting HIM to agree to a cheesy photo session (which was not easy work!). But in the end, he agreed. I was exhausted and sweaty and looked like I hadn't slept in decades. My hair was greasy and in an awkward parted-down-the-middle coiff. Ryan was slightly better looking, but not too pleased about being photographed. But in we went.

In the interest of getting out of there as soon as possible, we didn't look through the book of the 100 different backgrounds available, but instead asked "which costumes are the easiest to put on?" So the wardrobe gal handed me a floral dress that was somehow gigantically big and tight. The body of the dress was XXXXXXXL and clearly intended to be a one-size-fits-all number, which is the norm (you know, with those saloon pictures or whatever), so it was gathered in the back by binder clips** but the arm holes -- somehow the dress designer expected a 600lb woman with chicken legs for arms. The band was stiff and starched and had NO give to it, so my flabby ham arms are crammed through the narrow opening. I was already sweaty, but the exertion it took to get into a dress that is the size of a tent was boggling (sounds like it SHOULD be easy but wasn't. AT ALL.). Ryan was outfitted in slacks and a long-sleeve button up shirt and a leather bomber jacket. Which should be everyone's go-to outfit in August, when under gigantic lights in a studio space that had little air conditioning.

So we stood and we pretended that we liked it. People watched from the window, seeing us, via video monitors, transformed from a couple of sweaty 20-somethings on a blue screen stage to a nostalgic time when I was a young war bride, come to see my soldier off to war. Behind us sits his plane, the In The Mood, with a cheesecake pinup girl stretched out and beckoning. He's about to rush out and bomb the crap out of some unsuspecting island atoll and I'm going to hold this bouquet of flowers in my hands until he comes back.

We were such a hit with the crowd that 2 families watching us, came inside and starting being outfitted for their own wacky pictures. The staff was so pleased that they printed off various copies of our 'session' and eagerly handed them over, excitedly jabbering about how we should use these pictures for our wedding announcements (har! That would be another 4 years and 40lbs down the road!). We were supposed to have stayed to do another background, but since the families came in, everyone in the studio was busy, so we just picked up our prints and left.

*~*~*~*~*~*

That night, we went to hang out with our friend Trevor and we were telling him and his family about how lame this photo session was and look at these cheesy pictures and his mom asked to see them. So we showed them to her, sending her into immediate tears and asking for a copy of her own which was immediately nestled with the rest of the family photos in the entry hallway.

Personally, I was never really affected by the picture. It was funny, I suppose, and looking at it all that I ever think of is how sweaty and smelly I look and how hot it was and uncomfortable and how the glint from my nose-ring makes it look like I have a glitter booger... but now that I am getting old (ahem), I have a new appreciation. Not just because 'oh, look a faux vintage picture of us' but because it's a moment in our history that wouldn't have otherwise been captured.



*~*~*~*~*~*

Four years later, he showed up to the boat in a tuxedo - as was previously agreed upon - and he made a huge, stumbling production of coming up the stairwell to the Muppet Show theme song (don't ask). He smiled and waved when the crowd cheered. He spun his cane and acted a fool. And he didn't run away when he saw me coming directly at him in a big white dress. A little while later, we exchanged rings and promises and communed with our friends and had a fun little party. And, once again, he got forced to pose for pictures in a suit that was too hot for the time of year and take pictures and give me a bouquet of flowers and make everyone's mom cry.


July 7, 2001

Happy anniversary, Bub!



*For those of you familiar with the Spectrum, you know that it is a billion dollar shopping center. But in 1997, it was really small. Anchored by the movie theater and Barnes & Noble bookstore (which is now a 24 Hour Fitness; the bookstore relocated) and a few scattered restaurants and mostly kiosks.

**a mainstay of the wardrobe designer's toolkit, in case you weren't aware

prank you later

Last night one of the neighbors got their house toilet papered. The ninjas who did it were pretty stealth, seeing as how Ryan and I were in our living room (at the front of the house) all night, had the windows open, and Ruckus is the Neighborhood Watch (and yells at every person who passes by, in case they don't notice him sitting in the window and praise him right away). So, congrats young T.P.ers!

While laughing about it (instead of offering to help clean up) we talked about TP stories from our past. I only had one TP excursion myself, because I felt too guilty to pick on anyone else (I really wasn't/am not that cool). Ryan had a few, and 2 of the best stories were times involving Kevin (who was a mutual friend and my ex-boyfriend).

#1 - The Time That Kevin's Car Got Baloney'd

Apparently the neighborhood kids went around throwing baloney at everyone's house windows on the block and then decided that Kevin's car was the next candidate. There was baloney all over the windows, doors, trunk, hood. It was an easy enough clean up, but the baloney grease stripped some of the paint and polish off the car. Kevin drove an old boat of a car, some Plymouth beast thing, so he wasn't concerned about the paint job, but it was funny that for the next 2 years his car had perfect circles of paint and finish missing. And when people would ask him how/why the paint had done that, he had to tell them he'd been baloney'd.

#2 - Dinty Moore?

The boys were feeling their oats one night and decided to toilet paper their friend Eric's house. For no real reason. Stupidity, I guess. So they threw TP all over the garden and the tree out front and were just about to leave when Kevin pulled a can of beef stew out of his back pocket and dumped it all over Eric's car. The result was hilarious and the guys left laughing.

Cut to the next day when Eric showed up at Kevin's house, holding the empty can and said "Dinty Moore, Kevin?" and they all knew the jig was up. Kevin's parents were infamous Costco shoppers and had just purchased a flat (that's like 32 cans) of Dinty Moore Beef Stew which all the guys had helped carry into the house. Eric was there on shopping day (it was a production that required 15-37 able-bodied men) and put 2 and 2 together... who else would grab Dinty Moore Beef Stew? Years later, they were sure that it was a tribute to this prank when the Mighty Mighty Bosstones (our all-time favorite band) released a tape of their videos entitled "Video Stew" that looked just like the Dinty Moore can. [This is probably not true, but we always let them think that. Boys need a dream.]