Tuesday, March 18, 2003

Ok, so yesterday I was so lame that I didn't publish the post that I wrote... nice form, Mia! So I have just published it now, and it looks like you get 2 postings in one day. Treat it like an extra surprise! :)

So today at lunch I was reading the latest on TomatoNation... oh my gosh... it's so ME! How embarrassing! It's all about unsolicited advice... I am the Queen of Sticking-Her-Nose-Where-It-Doesn't-Really-Belong-and-Giving-Complete-Strangers-My-Opinion! I suppose I shouldn't brag about it. ANYWAY... part of her advice was about the best mascara and her misadventures at the Sak's cosmetics counter. It just reminded me of a funny story...

It was the week before my wedding, so Jenn and I decided to meet at Nordstrom and get a make-up trial run and get some suggestions for the wedding day. The lady (is there a P.C. term that I don't know for 'make-up lady'?) that was handling my make-up made several great suggestions, and my make-up came out great. I rarely wear make-up and when I do, it's generally pretty subtle so I didn't want anything too outrageous that wasn't "me" for the wedding. She took the approach that since I didn't usually wear a lot of make-up, I wouldn't want to over do it for the wedding, and so she made some great suggestions for light weight foundation and such... I was very pleased. Jenn, on the other hand, wasn't so fortunate. The lady who was helping her was the type of lady with big, bouffant hair and lots of jewelry and dark eyeshadow and lipstick... not at all like Jenn (who also uses just enough mascara so people can see her blonde lashes and maybe a dash of powder). Well this lady took a different approach, telling Jenn that as Maid of Honor this was her time to shine - and what better way to get noticed than to introduce a "new you?" Yikes. So, she got out some dark eyeshadows and lipsticks, and began with a cooing "trust me." I should have known. You could smell the fear all through the 2nd level of Nordstrom. We should have brought reinforcements.

When Jenn finally joined me at my make-up chair, I hardly recognized her. She achieved the "new you" status... but... oh my gosh. Jenn, I must explain, is very fair skinned and has blonde hair (sure, some of it is bottle blonde, but it's blonde just the same!). She has very light eyebrows and eyelashes, and without touch-up to either, you might not notice them. Kiss that crap good bye... this lady was a make-up demon... she gave Jenn black, yes you read it right, BLACK eyebrows. Filled in all the way like Groucho. In black. Thick eyebrows. Yes, she was scowling, but she looked down right evil! And then there was the lipstick. Dark as blood. Frightening. Apparently, no one told Make-up Demon that July weddings don't usually have Halloween themes... oh my... and Make-up Demon was proud of her work! Bragging and showing her off... and then came the sales pitch! Heaven have mercy - the sales pitch! How do you sell a blonde black eyebrows?

After politely purchasing an eyeshadow and lipstick in another shade, Jenn and I got the heck out of dodge. I'm sure if you roll back the security cameras, you can see us laughing hysterically and looking for a tissue strong enough to get some of that shoe polish off her eyebrows.
I felt bad for laughing. At first. But once Jenn found her sense of humor again (apparently it was bogged down by the eyebrow pencil of doom), we had a good chuckle. Of course, we were at Olive Garden... trying to gorge on breadsticks and laughing and saying "what the hell?" It was truly weird to see someone that you have seen every weekend for 24 years looking back at you with show girl make-up. This must be what it's like for the parents of strippers! When they come home from Jiggles for Sunday dinner and have the creepy black spider eyelashes and fake beauty marks... oh, how sad. Add that to the list of the things I just don't have the strength to deal with : a daughter that's a stripper.

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