I tell terrible jokes

Last night at dinner Ryan and I started talking about The Onion and all of the headline possibilities now that the Olympics has started (although this one is pretty good). Since The Onion doesn't accept suggestions and no one else thought we were funny, I decided to post them here:

• Hot Chopstick Stock Tip
• Chinese Fork Purchasing Up 87%
• Fork Use Skyrockets As Tourists Descend on Beijing
• Throngs Demand Prongs
• Tines Square - New "American Eatery" opens in Olympic Village
• Silver Spoons Demand Plastic Forks - "I paid $18,000 for this goddamned ticket to see Gymnastics and I don't want to eat with no goddamned bamboo skewer!!"
• US-based Fortune Cookie Manufacturers Increase Production; Export to Beijing
• Local Cuisine Back Burnered For Kung Pao Chicken
• Dog Burgers the Stealth Surprise
• Chinese Girls Touted As the Ultimate Souvenir
• Local Orphanages Promote Two-For-One Special
• Vacationing Americans Warm to the Idea of More Economical and Fuel Efficient Asian Children
• "Kids Meal" - Now With Free Kid!