Wednesday, May 07, 2008

sick of other people

Pretty much all of them. Including me.

For as much as I am a bitch (and I am), I am usually a bitch for good, not evil. I try and be nice to everyone and use the bitchiness to defend their honor. When I love me some people, I love them with a fiery passion. But I hate them the same way too.

The other night Ryan asked me where the "giddy" comes from - is it sarcastic? I punched him in the face. Then found out that he was teasing.

As much as my bitchiness may seem like its on purpose, often times it isn't. I do and say a lot of things that I regret later (I am world famous for my apology emails) even though most times other people aren't bothered by what I have said or done. Maybe that's why it bothers me so much. I said something mean or rude or crass and you didn't even notice.

So last night, Ryan and I were chatting and giggling (as usual) and out of my mouth just flies this sentence that I never meant to speak. All I could do was nervously laugh and say "only kidding" a hundred times in a row. But the look on his face said it all. The arrow landed, and directly between his ribs and nicked the edge of his beating heart. I was immediately sorry. It completely ruined our good time and put a damper on the rest of the evening. But I kind of knew that would happen, and somewhere deep down in my subconscious, I guess I still wanted to say it. It just burbled out without a chance to think about it, but the malice was still there.

I asked Samson to cut his hair.

I had no right to ask. He's never commented on my scraggly eyebrows (instead, he compliments them saying shit like "you have a great arch to your eyebrow") or asked me to lose 40 lbs or to wear matching pajamas. He never asks me to change a thing about my appearance, when in general, I should be forced to change everything.

The beard was/is a joke. He's just been goofing around with it and I think he's secretly flattered that I said he looks like Tony Stark. He's been shaving it and then growing it back every few days.

But this weekend is our friend's wedding and I want us to look "nice" or at least as nice as we can muster. The beard is going for sure, he already offered that. But the hair... I just can't get in to the long hair on him and I really just want him to cut it already. But he likes it. And it's probably staying (sigh). Despite my asshole-ish attempts to bully him into a shave and a haircut. Two bits.

[sorry Bub. I still love you.]


Sizzle said...

It's difficult to express a personal preference to a loved one, especially when it comes to their appearance. When my boyfriend shaved off all his facial hair I seriously had a hard time looking at him. He didn't look bad it's just he looked so different to me. I wanted the old him back, the one I fell for, even though he was the same inside.

You're right that we should not ask people to change for us but it's difficult to swallow our preferences, especially when it is someone we are attracted to physically.

Miss Bliss said...

uh oh...sigh. Yeah...not to be unsupportive of your opinion about the hair but...I...uh...well...kinda like it long. (Ducking while Mia throws something big at my virtual head) BUT I totally understand wanting to look neat and put together for an event. Maybe he could slick it back and wear sunglasses the entire time which would make him look like some rich Italian boytoy...HEY that could totally work in your favor!!

giddygirlie said...

OMG, we've been through the beard thing a bunch of times (and every single time I am shocked that he doesn't have a chin!), but this long hair thing is new. It's been long-ish before, but only because he was too lazy to get it cut. Now he thinks he likes it long, apparently it feels good like that.

So instead I am going to cut all MY hair off. :)

styro said...

Do what I do: SCALP HIM! Works like a charm.

Danielle said...

Ryan looks hot - I love the long hair! but yeah, shave for the wedding.


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