Sunday, February 19, 2006


Man, I feel like such a supreme slacker lately. I have been licking my wounds over my bad tooth (now repaired, hallelujah) and my busy work schedule and the cold weather and basically just moping around feeling sorry for myself. Seasonal Affect Disorder, anyone?

I am unmotivated to the 10th degree -- if such a thing is possible. I just feel like shutting myself in a room or a hot bath and never coming out. I want to obssess over my own craziness and try to dig my way out of it. But alas, I have virtually no time for myself and so as of yet, I haven't been able to.

Today, Ryan drug me out of the house, insistent on getting me into the sunshine and out into public, where I would feel better. After dragging my heels and kicking and screaming, we ended up in the car on our way to Disneyland only to find it's a black-out day, so our passes weren't good. Oops. So we turned around and headed home and decided that a chocolate malt sounded better than real food for lunch, and so we got some supremely awesome malts. That was, until I took too big of a drink and it hit my temporary filling and shocked every nerve in my whole freaking head. I had to pull over, because my eyes were welling with unstoppable tears and as soon as I stopped yelling 'fuck' over and over, I burst into an onscene crying jag. Maybe that was what I needed all along -- I just needed the severe pain in my FACE to coax it out. I couldn't stop it and I am sitting there on the side of the road heaving and sobbing. It was pathetic. It also took about 5 minutes for the pain to begin to subside so that I could get us home and slather my gums in Orajel (my new patron saint) and pop some pills and flop myself on the couch. It was a depressing end to a depressing week. What the hell is wrong with me?

I am supremely wealthy, supermodel beautiful, wildly successful, and unbelievably popular -- and yet I still ain't 100% happy. I really must have a screw loose.

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