Wednesday, September 21, 2005

big things looming

Fall fell and the sudden rain and the moon wobbles have severly fucked with my head. I am extremely exhausted, but I have fitful, interrupted sleep. I dream about craziness and monsters, but also about lovely things like babies and Dane Cook. Oh, how I wanted him to kiss my hand like he did all the other women in the audience. I also wanted to squeeze Erika's baby -- I saw her face in my dream! -- and to meet the baby that I was fatly pregnant with. Then I would be chased by a demon after my soul and wake up in a cold panic. Only to find myself alone and the wind outside howling. I crept into the living room, where Ryan was still up working and The Kid was watching TV -- what was it, 4am? No, 11:30pm, but thanks for playing.
I crawled back in bed - wash, rinse, repeat. [except add : "geez, you scared me - why are you up again?" when I came out the 2nd and 3rd times]
*sigh* Also, I feel bad, because The Kid is kinda low right now and I want to corner him and force him to talk about it (the only tactic that works with his brother), but I don't know how to begin. Especially since I keep falling asleep so early, while he's out with his friends. I know the situation, because Ryan is up when he gets home and so he relays the information, but I feel even worse about coming to the Kid with "so your brother tells me that you're upset... let's chat! Just pretend that I'm your friend, or even someone that you want to talk to, ok? Ready, go!" It's a whole slew of family crap that's pestering him, which is why I want to be involved -- I am an "insider" that would understand even better than most. Friends mean well, but they can't possibly understand the back-story. Poor guy, his head is full-up with this junk and he's trying his best to muddle through and go to school and work and... poor guy.

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