Thursday, December 16, 2004

drugs for dummies

Last night in a moment of weakness, I reached for the corporate stash of pain relievers and popped a few. About 20 minutes later, my roaring headache was backing down and the shoulders were loosening... ahh. I met my dinner group at Morton's the Steakhouse to get them situated and figured that I must be pretty flustered to be so red in the face and a little sweaty at the hairline. No matter, once I get them seated and cozy, I can duck out and go home... ahh.
In the car I noticed that my eyelid kept twitching... potassium depletion, right? Make a mental note to eat a banana and drive home. By the time I reached my house (20 minutes later) I realized what I had done. My shoulder muscles were twitching involuntarily, my hands were shaking, my heart was racing, my pits were sweating... oh god. I took Excedrin, didn't I?
From the girl that can drink Jolt Cola before bed and slurp a pot of tea like no one's business and with no real side effects (save the loverly yellowed teeth) comes freaks-out-when-she-has-caffeine-pills-or-any-phony-adrenaline-type-crap girl. Oy. I was jittering on the couch like a speed freak until 11:30pm last night (about 8 hours later). It was stupid. Then, I finally stopped shaking... the crack has left the building!! And then I crashed... and I slept like a freaking log.
There were moments last night that I honestly didn't think that I was going to make it. I thought that my poor little heart would just burst and blood would spray across the room, a la Kill Bill. I sat there, twitching and ticking like a mad woman thinking to myself why in the world would people do this to themselves on purpose?! I thought of the ladies of the past, Mother's Little Helper, the crack heads on the streets, the kids huffing canned whipped cream... oh god! I can barely handle a little Excedrin, what would happen to me if I shot heroin? I'd die instantly, that's what. I'd be that girl that you hear about that tried it once and died.

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