Why do you suck so hardcore? You've only lived here for a year and you're the biggest antagonist in the house. You see those speakers next to you? Yeah, they've been with the team since 1999. Hell no, they weren't Y2K compliant. But guess what? They still yell out "you've got mail" with ferocity and scare the crap out of me. And don't give me that same old song and dance about Photoshop! I know it's a big program. I know those 10 gig files are strenuous. I know that you hate them with every ounce of your circutry, but please. Bear with me here. I promised to get you a CD burner, so you'd never have to have another jpg file touch your C drive again. But you refuse to cooperate.
What the hell happened to the scanner?! I loaded the drivers, downloaded the patch. I have done everything. And now, on the THIRD page you have the nerve to tell me that you can't find it? What?! The nerve!
Computer, I am sorry to have to say this. But this is your last warning. You have broken all the attendance policies. You're tardy too often. You call in sick a lot. You're becoming a burden on the rest of the team. If your performance doesn't improve soon we're going to have to take further disciplinary measures. I see in your file that you have forced us to CTRL+ALT+DELETE more than any other system that we have ever known. This is unacceptable and is distracting from the way we do business here. I am going to shut down and restart one last time, and if you don't cooperate, I'll be making an appointment with the Dell dude.