Twelve Months Ago
me : I was laughing so hard the other day at this guy's blog
friend : what's a blog?
me : a weblog? Y'know, like an online journal...
friend : oooooookaaaay [rolling eyes]
me : so anyway, I was laughing so hard 'cause this guy said...
Six Months Ago
me : so I was blogging the other day about Mike, and this girl that I totally admire left me a comment
friend : nuh uh! Really? The one that you were telling me about?
me : yes! Totally! I was so flattered.
friend : that is so rad
Four Months Ago
me : so you know that guy IA that I was telling you about?
friend : um, IA?
me : yeah, the patent attorney in New York
friend : oh yeah, yeah... is his name like Isaac Anderson or something?
me : um... no. Come to think of it, I have no idea what his real name is.
friend : uh huh
me : oh wait! He's the Incompetent Attorney. That's why he's called IA.
friend : oh
me : so anyway, he was telling me that when we're in New York we have to see...
Two Weeks Ago
me : so I was checking email and blog stalking a few people and then a bunch of people signed on to Instant Messenger. Next thing I know, I am roped into Strip Scrabble. It was rad. Oh! And then after, I was emailing Jules to tell her that Miss Bliss and I will for sure be at her kick ass party. We're flying up together and staying at the same hotel. It's going to be like a slumber party.
friend : how fun!
me : yeah, oh and will you please pass the butterscotch that Kim made? Isn't she FABULOUS?! Did you see Styro's Valentine? I love the little monkey!
friend : yes, I am in heaven right now. That's so cool. You know all the cool people on the internet.
me : indeed, I do.
friend : how come all the people I meet are so... lame?
me : because you hang out on MySpace, trolling for guys
friend : yeah. But don't normal people do that? Where are all the cool people?
me : blogging
I should seriously sell this research to Harvard. In the past year, my friend has been cruising the internet, meeting people who have ALL turned out to be lame. They are either freaky kinkys or just straight up asses. She's hit the bars, the clubs, the hot spots... nada. Let's put it this way : she's blocking a LOT of phone numbers on her cell phone these days.
This time last year I started a blog. It was lonely. Had no readers. I followed links all over the internet, read a lot of crappy poetry and suicidal rantings. And then I found the glorious valley in the hills : Blogsylvania Ranch. I commented, you responded. We emailed, we bonded. I sent you an instant message, you sent me cookies. I sewed you a monkey, you sent me a post card. I cried for your pain, I made googly eyes at your baby, I prayed for your kitty, and offer to stab the jerk who dumped you. I now have the best network of friends EVER. If I go to Georgia or Virginia or Illinois or Florida, I have a couch to sleep on. If I fall in the Grand Canyon, I know someone to save me. If I get a flat tire in Hollywood, I have a friend to tow me. If I take the wrong BART train and end up in Oakland, I know people to call for lunch. And if I make it to Berkeley, I have people to meet at Top Dog.
In case you can't tell, I am TOTALLY in crush with each and every one of you today. I am throwing my arms around the world today and squeezing you all tight. Yes, I did just eat Chex Mix and no I don't have an Altoid - deal with it.