Tuesday, February 24, 2004


It's a funny thing, the sky. The way that it can take you back. Through a cloud or a breeze... the sunshine, the drizzle. It always takes you somewhere.

I leaned back against the pole outside. The sun soaked through my clothes and left an aura of warmth all around me. The clouds were strewn out, delicately stretched. Each was outlined in purple and fuschia in the noon sun. High up in the atmosphere were breezes that scattered them and beat them to pieces. Cotton candy, unwound from the paper cone.

I had the overwhelming sense of Costa Mesa. The warm air on the patio, passing the joint back to Dave. Watching the neighbors, sitting in plain sight. The haze that circled my brain warmed by senses and sang lullabies to me. Sitting on the cold cement outside the ceramics studio. Forming coil pots, rounding them out with rubber wedges. The smell of the raku kiln burning, the embers drifting through the air. The fuzzy reception of the classic rock station, buzzing Pink Floyd to me. Strolling down Harbor Blvd., on foot. Browsing at the bead shop, running my fingers through the enormous trays of glass seed beads. Surveying the clasps and chains, the findings, the charms. Clutching the small baggie with my silver bee, black mini dice, and 40 glass beads. Sipping hot apple cider outside in the courtyard by the fountain. Reading Henry Rollins, feeling so intellectual and so insignificant. Wanting to write prose that halted and hiccupped. Crying for the loss of friends, the death of an era, the birth of something new. Singing at the top of my lungs, because no on cared. No one listened. Eating grilled cheese sandwiches out of necessity, but also pure delight. Sitting by the pool with my toes swirling back and forth, daring the boys. Drinking Strawberry Hill bottle after bottle. Getting sick on the sweetness but refusing to throw up. Gossiping with the Swedish girls from next door. Selling books for cash and spending all of the profits on a single entree atthe Chinese Food place. Relishing in garlic noodles and steamed rice. Lying awake 'til all hours, contemplating life... eating gummy bears and popsicles. I really don't think it gets any better than this. Vanilla smile and a gorgeous strawberry kiss.

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