Thursday, February 05, 2004

The Jules Interview

1.You are so incredible that people are clamoring to write your biography. I have been begging and pleading to be the one to write it and you have finally decided to let me do so. However, you want me to agree to use a title you've already chosen. It's important to you. You are convinced that it sums up your life quite nicely and will make the right kind of people want to delve into the book that is you. That title is . . .

No Fun Mia : the life of a realist who wanted to be an idealist

2. I have just kidnapped you and taken you to The Bow Bow (a karaoke bar in Chinatown). After consuming a bowl full of spicy dried peas and too many Flaming Lemondrops, you have consented to try your hand at a couple of songs. The songbook has been passed to you. What is the first title you look for, and which of the following three songs would I be most likely to convince you to sing with me: a) Desperado  b) Sweet Child of Mine  c) Rainy Day Women?

I'd probably flip through the whole thing. I am such an attention whore when I am tipsy. I'd be cataloging which songs to sing, and arranging a whole order. One of the first ones would probably be "We Got the Beat" by the GoGos. It's one of the few songs that I can sing along to in tune (thanks raspy Belinda!). Of your choices, I think I would have to go with Sweet Child of Mine! I do a pretty good Axl Rose voice and I know that snaky-microphone-stand-dance that he does.

3. After a late night with a house full of friends, you wake to the ringing telephone at 7:30 a.m. It's your parents. They're just down the street, and thought they'd surprise you with an unexpected visit. They've picked up breakfast and will be at your place in about five minutes. Do you a) happily hurry to get ressed  b) cringe  c) rush around your house, attempting to make it presentable. And if your answer is (c), what is the first thing you clean/hide?

Oh my gosh - all of it! But in specific answer to (c) I'd probably rush to take out the trash and dispose of the condoms from last night.... and, just in case, I'd take the porn out of the DVD player and stash it at the top of the closet. Even though my family is fully aware that as a married couple we do have *gasp* sex, I am still very shy about the whole ordeal with my family. Besides, they would probably be disappointed to see that we were using them, since they're lobbying for grandchildren.

4. My son G.T. spent much of his free time when he was nine on his plans for a time machine. I assumed he abandoned the project when he discovered girls last year, but I just found out that he has continued his work and come up with something. Now he can't transport a person back through time (not yet anyway) but he has devised a way to pass mail through this machine. Because I like you, I will give you one chance, and I will have G.T. use his Time Machine to deliver one letter for you. When do you want it sent? To whom? And what will it say?

G.T. is such a genius. Keep me posted for when it can transport people... I have so many 'do-overs' in my life. There are really two letters that I'd like to send, do you think G.T. would bend the rules for me?

5. If I (or your friends, family, lost loves, readers, etc.) Googled your real name, what would we find? you or imposter yous? Is your name so unusual or secret that nothing would come up at all? And and if there are "other yous", what are they like? Would you be horrified by being mistaken for them? Explain.

It depends on how good of a Googler you are! My name is a mixture of the unusual and the very common, so depending on how you put it all together, you would get either 6,000 responses or just 6. There is very little of the "real" me out on the internet, mostly for the sake of my privacy, but I do leave little trails here and there, so that if someone were ever really determined to find me, they could. I had to try it once you asked, just to see... and I found some "other mes" who were not quite what I expected. I found a very religious, churchy me that liked to post on discussion boards and argue Christianity vs. Buddhism and I found a porn star who doesn't quite have the same name, but between her name and the name of her favorite co-star, you could find a library of hard core movies featuring "me". I wouldn't say that I would be horrified at being mistaken for any of them... at least not based on what I've seen. But I would think that anyone who was looking for either one of those people and found me, would be disappointed.


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