Sunday, January 11, 2004

spider...he is our hero...

There is this little spider in my bathroom, and I don't know what to do with him.

I don't squish spiders (bad karma), so I went to get a paper to carry him outside... and then I thought... what I he wants to be here? I mean, what if he has lived outside for a while and hated the cold and has decided to retire here? What if my bathroom is his Florida? It's humid, it's warm... there's pathetic music (yeah, we sing a lot around here) and hurricanes (courtesy of the blow dryer). Maybe he's happy here. It's been so temperate outside, maybe he doesn't know? Should I take him to see it? Set him up in the bromeliad, show him the blooms? What if he thinks he likes, thanks me and goes along his merry way... but then later changes his mind? Is he strong enough to find his way back? What if he's worked his whole life to get here... and then I set him back to square one?

On the other hand, I know that our harsh Florida-like conditions will ultimately be his demise. We don't get a lot of bugs around here... not anything substantial anyway. So far, the only fresh 'food' has been the 2 ants, mapping out the sink. Of course, I wasn't going to pick them up with tweezers and bring them to him. Should this Florida have a welfare system? He has been in the same place, between the sink and the mirror for at least 2 days now, and he hasn't started a web... maybe he's just on vacation? Is there an arachnid timeshare system going on here? How long do I let him stay? Who's making the profit on this?

So then I wonder if he's come here to die... maybe this warm bathroom is his final stop? He's making a wish... and this was it? And what do I do when his time comes? And how will I know? Do I return his body to his family, somewhere out in the garden? Can I give him a burial at sea (via the toilet)? Do I need to build a casket, line it with velvet and find him a nice plot somewhere? How much responsibility do I have to take for a spider I don't even know?

I never know just what to do... so he's there. Feel free to address his mail here for now. I'll send my regards the next time I am washing my hands.

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