Last week, the teenagers at the end of the block had this raging all-weekend party. Which, honestly, I didn't mind much. They weren't being overly noisy and I was always grateful for the neighbors who didn't tattle on us when we were in high school (the fact that I didn't drink or smoke didn't matter - it was the fact that we kids could go hang out and have fun without the cops coming that was the bigger deal). So I kept my mouth shut - even when several of those kids tried to enter MY backyard because they were looking for "the house on the end."
However, I started to sour after the first night, when the walkway and common grass area was buried in cigarette butts that were clearly chucked over the fence. Uh, kids? That's a dead giveaway. Mom and dad are going to notice your mess, regardless of how well you cleaned the house. The next night it got worse and there were beer cans and little paper cups from jello shots and cigarette boxes, soda cans, and miscellaneous junk everywhere. After day 3, it was a problem. I was going to say something to the kids themselves - hey! I'm a nice lady! But clean up your trash! - but I figured that I didn't need those kids to come egg my house or order 100 pizzas to be delivered or something (my neighborhood is very close quarters and I don't generally trust shitty teens - plus this particular house used to get toilet papered on a monthly basis - which I assume means that their kids were out TPing someone else and I don't need that hassle!).
So at the end of the weekend, I decided that I was going to write a passive aggressive note! I'd keep it simple, to the point, and leave it on their door! PERFECT! So I did! I wrote "We (your neighbors) are glad that you had such fun parties this weekend, but we'd appreciate it if you could please clean up after your guests. They left hundreds of cigarette butts on the sidewalk, lawn, and parking areas in addition to their beer cans and other trash. We'd all like it if you could keep the neighborhood in nice condition for our guests as well."
All I needed was an opportunity to take it over there! So I was keeping an eye on the place and you know what? The motherfuckers moved out. Monday morning, a giant moving van rolled in and they cleared the entire house in a couple of hours. I was debating whether to say anything - the trash was still there, afterall - but I figured that it didn't matter now. What do they care about neighbors they'll never see again?
The next day, the Recycler Lady who walks around our neighborhood on trash day and takes all the aluminum cans out of all the recycling bins came and picked up all the beer cans. And the day after, the landscapers sweeped up the cigarette butts and other trash.
Party on, shitty teenagers.
Speaking of which, the Sklar Brothers have this fantastic bit ("Sign Flippers" - listen free on Rhapsody) on their SkLAr Maps cd about the kids who hold the giant arrow signs, pointing you to new housing developments... it's great! But my favorite line is when they're talking about the marketing meeting leading up to this idea and someone says something like "Oh great! So we'll get some professional salesmen to offer directions and information so people can make an informed decision?" "Oh, no, we're going to hire some shitty apathetic teens to point them at their dicks" I love the phrase "shitty apathetic teens."