Thursday, March 05, 2009

overheard

The couple sitting at the table next to us dismisses their children from eating, allowing them to run around the restaurant to entertain themselves.

Her: Ah, well. Kids have to play. It's like the Bible story of...
Him: People always ask me how I do it...
Her: ... so the old story of...
Him: ...they know how hard it is for me...
Her: ... when Cain and...
Him: ...and I think they really respect me for it...
Her: [sighs, acknowledging that she is going to have to wait to tell her story]
Him: They ask me "how can you teach those kids? How can you even stand to be around them?" and let me tell you, it's hard. I mean... it's like... but it's what Jesus wants me to do, you know? Like this is my purpose. To save those kids. But it is hard. Each and every day I have to see their little faces and know that they're doomed. And they don't even know it. But some do, I can tell. And it's not their fault! And their parents are so nice. You know who are the nicest people? The agnostics. Can you believe it?
Her: ...well, yeah...
Him: [interrupting] Sure, they're nice. They make sure that the kids are doing well and want to check in with me and stuff. They act like they're normal people, but they're not. I mean, it makes me physically sick to look at them! Them and the Satanists! They're everywhere! All around us! And then I look at their kids and I just... I hate them. I have to, y'know? To protect myself? But this is what Jesus wants me to do. I have to save all of them. I have to tell them, but some of the Satanist parents have infiltrated the school district already and don't want people talking about Christ in class. Which is... unbelievable. How can you even LIVE like that? Without salvation? Without heaven? Without God? [exasperated sigh] Those people disgust me.
Her: But they're nice?
Him: [perky] Oh yeah, they're real nice. Real decent people.
Her: So the Bible story...

This guy is a public school elementary school teacher. At first, I thought he was some sort of special-ed teacher or something and that's why he was so saintly in his attitude about the SATANISTS who were parenting these kids (OMG, really dude? Satanists? In the safest large city in the US? Plus, anyway, Satanists are as common as Klan members and both are generally found in the same backwood places where ignorance leads to intolerance. Ahem.) who were born with afflictions due to their, you know, Satanism. But no. He teaches like 4th grade or something! So when your kid comes home from school prostelyzed into a coma, you know where it's coming from. Plus, the wife? I was about to spork my eyeballs out if she didn't keep trying to interrupt with the story about some Biblical brothers who ran around a Mexican restaurant, because 'kids will be kids'. In other news: we're eating at home tonight.

4 comments:

Sizzle said...

I almost sporked my eyes out listening to that shit. Also, I will from now on be saying "sporked my eyes out" because it makes me giggle.

kilax said...

Oh my gosh. Were you able to keep your food down? I would have already been pissed about the kids running around, but the conversation would have thrown me over the edge. It's that elitist religious attitude that pushes me away.

giddy girlie said...

the kids were definitely the icing on the cake. I hate when people do that. "Public" is not a babysitter, folks.

But yeah, the whole conversation was wacky. I don't have a problem with religious people, in general, but this guy was obviously OUT THERE if he was SO into his own mindset that he saw everyone around his as being against him somehow, by being atheists or satanists. Gimme a break, dude!

Angela Apple said...

I was just thinking I'd like to pluck my eyeballs out but sporking is definitely the way to go.

I am so proud of you for not getting up and dumping a glass of water in his lap to cool down the fire & brimstone he's got cooking!

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