Thursday, August 28, 2008

never say DIEt

Yesterday, I went to my first (ever) Weight Watchers meeting. It was kind of what I expected... vaguely reminiscent of Alcoholics Anonymous but with more people peddling "what works for me." And, possibly, more charts and graphs. I don't know that AA makes you stare at candy colored charts and "nutrition wheels" and crap like that. But maybe they do. But if they do nobody is allowed to tell you. Them's the rules of Fight Club.

Anyway, the meeting was weird. Chock full of "no shit, Sherlock" moments. Like this gem "watch your portions" - no kidding?! The meeting leader was overly enthusiastic, as expected, but she was ok. The other people in the meeting were what was kind of strange. One lady swearing that just cutting out the wine was all you had to do and the pounds would melt off! Another was extolling the benefits of eating an apple before dinner to curb your appetite! All fine suggestions, but that isn't my problem. In fact, there was one other newcomer and we had to stay after the regular meeting to be given the spiel and we were asked which of the 2 WW programs we'd be using: the points system or the "core program." The lady beside me was enthusiastic about the core plan, because you can eat as much as you want! Whenever you want!! I myself selected points. For me, my problem isn't eating too much, but eating too little. She and the teacher both looked at me, slightly shell-shocked.

"But Mia!" you ask, "how do you keep your fat ass so jiggly and plump without eating?!" Well, friends, this is how it works. If you don't eat, your metabolism goes to sleep. And then you're tired after, say working all day, and at night you come home and maybe computron a bit, chase the kittens around the house, and then go to bed. So while your metabolism is resting comfortably, the rest of your body panics that maybe it will never eat again! Oh no! And so it stores up every morsel of everything you ate as fat, in case you need it later. And seeing as how I am a fairly upwardly mobile American, I don't have times of drought and starvation in my village, so the stores of fat never get called upon and instead just stay put. Forever. And yet my body never catches on that "hey, we've got a 17 day supply just right here in the wrist" and so it keeps stocking up, like a squirrel on crack.

SO. I need Weight Watchers and their stupid point system to remind me to eat. You should eat ALL of your points, every day. In fact, they even give you a slush fund of points, so you can go nuts one night and order the cheesecake. Which is very thoughtful of them. Based on my girth, I am allowed 23 points per day, plus a weekly slush fund of 35. It doesn't sound like much, but yesterday I had a chicken sandwich for lunch and a bean burrito for dinner and barely closed in on 10 points for the day. That's bad, you see.

To help me along, I invited my new friend Technology. There are a zillion websites that will give you recipes and point conversions for your favorite restaurants. But the best thing I have found so far is this Point Calculator that is free to use online and now comes in a convenient iPhone application. So now, I can track what I eat right then and there on my handy-dandy hitchhiker's guide and see how many points I have left, how much more water I should drink, etc. Super nice! The current version (1.5) is a daily tracker, but the next upgrade will include weekly tracking, so you can easily account for your roll-over points and chart your weekly progress. Sweet!

Today, I fared slightly better. It's 6pm and I am at 17 points. Of course, I am stuffed to the gills and don't want to eat a single thing more, but I am going to force myself to do it. I can make it to 23 by midnight! I can! I can! I can!

4 comments:

Miss Bliss said...

DUDE! Stop talking about the AA charts and wheels....LOL!!

Ya know the thing is hearing that shit over and over IS part of how it works. It's annoying and dumb and there's no logical reason why it SHOULD make a difference, but it seems to...so go to the damn meetings and EAT YOUR POINTS!! I know so many people who have had a really great experience with WW, just give it a shot.

Sizzle said...

It's always strange to me that people make the assumption that overweight people gorge themselves. I don't particularly overeat but I do tend to forget to eat or get too busy to eat and often, I eat the wrong things. I know this. I also don't exercise like I should (re: at all!). I have used WW before and saw results. I hope it gives you the results you want. :-)

styro said...

Yeah, I lost my first 10 WW pounds pretty quickly and then .... i got discouraged on the plateau. I mostly liked it though. I like the iPhone point calculator though, that's super neat.

Angela Apple said...

Love love LOVE WW!

I do NOT have your lack of eating problem! Quite the opposite. But I lost all my weight (40 lbs) with them and keep it off when I do the program...

It totally works like a miracle if you do it as prescribed.

I have a ton of tips and tricks, if you want 'em.

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