Not My Story - number two

My friend works at a major record label in Los Angeles. He works as an expert sound tech, and one of his specialties is vocal balancing. He's the one who sets the "singing machine" that corrects off-tune pitches and warbles by untalented singers. If you're looking to make a record, see this man.

If you want to know who sucks as a singer, see this man.

I heard that he worked with a certain songstress who shall remain nameless (just think teen-ish superstar whose parents like to sue the shit out of bloggers who trash talk their daughter) and that when the vocals were recorded that she sang so terribly off-key and out of sync, that the singing machine couldn't fix it! Apparently, the machine works by tracking a note and then balancing it out, to make a bad note sound... less bad, sometimes even good. With this poor girl, though, she couldn't come within the recognizable range for the machine and it kept failing, thus producing an accurate recording of what she sounded like : awful.

When he advised Major Corporation that their new pop princess just didn't have it in her, he was given tens of thousands of dollars extra to go back and "make it work". He literally had to work word-by-word with her to get the machine to capture what needed to be recorded.

She has since sold millions of copies of her record and she is a big fat millionaire, making money from records and concerts, who can't sing.

the title of these posts refers to the fact that these are true events, although they didn't happen to ME. I have written the stories and used pseudonyms to protect the innocent and idiodic alike.